There’s Nothing Wrong With You — So Why Does It Feel Like You Can’t Keep Up? | E91

Gino Cordone [00:00:12]:
Hello and welcome to episode 91 of Working towards our purpose. In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about why you feel like you can’t keep up and addressing that there’s nothing wrong with you. But before we get into that, we’re going to take a moment and check in with ourselves, slow down, and just see how we’re feeling today. All right. Hopefully you took a moment and checked in with yourself. See where you’re feeling today. Yeah, for me, feeling. Feeling all right today.

Gino Cordone [00:00:55]:
Can hear the birds outside chirping, and it feels like spring. So that’s. That’s a nice feeling. Always a. Changing in seasons is always kind of nice. So that’s good. But, yeah, I guess feeling a little uneasy, but that’s okay. Hoping I can be articulate today.

Gino Cordone [00:01:18]:
I guess so. I’ll do my best. But, yeah. So I want to get into today’s episode about just the feeling of like, there’s nothing, or I guess the feeling that there’s something wrong with you and how familiar that can be to probably a lot of us, and also the feeling of, like, not being able to keep up with other people. So this episode came to me from a rough Monday that I had. Again, it seems like maybe this is kind of a pattern in. In some regard, but Mondays are like my recording days, like, where I work on other people’s music. And I didn’t have a session until later in the day, so I had time that I was.

Gino Cordone [00:02:03]:
I was working on my own music and I was trying to learn some covers, and I never learn covers. I’ve been always, like, really bad at learning other people’s songs. I did it, like, to learn guitar, but then, like, a year or two after I first started playing, I just never really got into playing other people’s songs anymore. So it’s something that I’m not great at. And I’ve been trying to work on some covers to do at open mic night this week, and, yeah, I was practicing them yesterday, and I was like, these are not anywhere near where they need to be in order for me to play them. So that started questioning myself and being like, oh, wow, you can’t play these other songs. Maybe you’re not a good musician. That kind of started a spiral, perhaps.

Gino Cordone [00:02:53]:
So I guess what I’m describing now is the culmination of what started the spiral that I went down on Monday because, yeah, just a negative spiral of thinking about yourself in a negative and often untrue way, kind of just spiraling into, like, a depression. And so that was one of them was, like, not feeling like a good musician because I couldn’t play, like, kind of simple covers. And simple is unnecessary, but trying to play covers. So that was one of them. And then I had another sort of experience where I had an old client reach out to me for podcasting work. And. And I worked with this client for probably three years, and I worked pretty closely with them until they stopped doing their podcast. And they sort of just reached out to me and asked me to do something.

Gino Cordone [00:03:45]:
And it sort of brought up all these interesting feelings of how it felt to work with them back then, because I probably haven’t worked with them in two years and sort of realizing some workaholic patterns and stuff like that. But in the moment, because I was already in sort of not a great mood, it just sort of compiled and made me also feel, like, not good enough to be able to work with them. And that’s not really how I want to put it. So I guess once you’re in a spiral, once you’re kind of feeling depressed, it becomes easy to feel like you’re not good enough for other things, other people around you. So I guess when I was thinking about trying to work for this client, there was some urgency. They sent a text on Sunday, which I wasn’t really a fan of, but also just in the way that they work, which in my view, upon reflecting, is kind of a bit of workaholic. That’s not really how I want to work. But because I was feeling bad about myself already, I was like, oh, because this thing’s wrong with me, because I feel depressed.

Gino Cordone [00:05:07]:
I’m kind of comparing myself to this other person and being like, oh, I’m less than now because of that. So that’s obviously not something that’s going to make you feel good. So that was a pile on top of it also. And then the last thing was I was also picking up my parents up at the airport in the afternoon and going through a whole day of beating myself up and feeling bad about myself going to see them. I hadn’t seen them in a while, and I just felt bad. I was depressed. I was in a bad mood, and I was trying to get myself to be happy to see them. I felt like I was expected to be presentable or like, you know, ask them about their trip and stuff like that.

Gino Cordone [00:05:59]:
And I just felt like I couldn’t do that. And I felt this sort of, like, shame around not being able to do that. Like, what’s wrong with you that you can’t be excited to See your parents, who you haven’t seen in a minute. So that was like a really interesting thing, upon reflection, was like feeling bad for feeling bad, if that makes sense. Feeling bad that you can’t get yourself to be, not feeling bad. I hope that makes sense. So, anyways, these three things and what I do is I really try to evaluate what’s going on with me. And I really do believe that having bad days and whatever it may be, depression, anxiety, struggling with things, I do think that they’re showing us something.

Gino Cordone [00:06:51]:
They’re trying to. These negative experiences are showing us something. And if we can try to not avoid it and try to not numb ourselves, but to try to figure out what it’s trying to tell us, then it can be a positive thing and it can help us move through it next time or help us in some way. And I think that’s kind of what this podcast is about. It’s really trying to dive into things and question, well, why are we feeling like this? Why do we feel like we’re not enough? Why do we feel like there’s something wrong with us? Why do we feel like we can’t keep up with the people around us? Comparison, all these negative thoughts about ourselves? Why? So, yeah, so that’s kind of what I want. Hopefully that makes sense. This is what I want to address today, is that feeling of there’s something wrong with you. Because I think that was the biggest thing for me on Monday was just feeling like there’s this thing wrong with me.

Gino Cordone [00:07:51]:
There’s times when I get depressed and that feels like a hindrance. And I look at the people around me and I’m like, they’re fine. Why am I the one struggling with this? Why can’t I get a hold of it? Why? Why do I have to have a day where I’m completely in my own head, not able to do things? And I know that I’m not the only one that feels like that. So I really wanted to talk about that and to kind of debunk it, because sometimes depression lies to you. Your brain can lie to you, and it can tell you things that aren’t true, and you can believe those things, and then it’s harder to get past those sorts of things with believing these sorts of negative images or negative thoughts or negative beliefs that you have about yourself. So I think I would like to get to a point in this episode where there’s three things that I’d like to talk about that helped me through my day and will hopefully help you the next time you’re feeling like you’re kind of not able to keep up with the others around you, or feeling like you’re not enough, or you’re not good enough or there’s something wrong with you. So I just want to check my notes real quick. Sorry.

Gino Cordone [00:09:24]:
Yeah. Okay, so. So we can move on here. I think I covered everything that I wanted to. Hopefully it made sense. And I know I gotta stop apologizing for myself. Okay, so three things that can help you feel better when you’re feeling like there’s something wrong with you, or you can’t keep up with the others around you and wondering what’s wrong with you. The first thing that I really realized was with that old client was workaholic.

Gino Cordone [00:09:52]:
Being a workaholic, workaholism. I don’t know if that’s a word, but being a workaholic is a very prevalent thing in our society. We live in a capitalist society, and most of us have been conditioned to believe that our work is our worth. And whatever you can do, output wise, however much money you can make, whatever the metric is that equates to your worth, and it’s simply not true. And I’ve probably said it a thousand times before, and I have to say it a thousand times to myself because I still fall into those patterns of like, oh, well, I didn’t get enough done, or I didn’t make enough money, so I don’t have worth. So just another reminder that your work isn’t your value and the things that you get done isn’t your value, that you’re valuable as a human being, period. You don’t need anything more than that. You’re valuable, you’re worthy of love, acceptance, all those sorts of things.

Gino Cordone [00:10:57]:
But the society that we live in, it’s really hard to feel like that because there’s so many external factors that make you not feel like that. So just a reminder that you don’t have to play into that system. You don’t have to let that system make you feel bad. And specifically for me, thinking about working with this old client and how perhaps they’re workaholics and they work a lot. And not as a negative thing or saying it to bring them down sort of way, but more so recognizing that they have workaholic patterns. And just because I don’t want to play into those workaholic patterns doesn’t mean I’m less than them or. Or doesn’t mean that I’m not enough or not worthy enough for them or less than in any way. And yeah, just A constant reminder of myself for that, because I think that’s really hard to remember, especially when you’re kind of in a moment of depression or falling into depression.

Gino Cordone [00:12:05]:
But. But, yeah, a reminder that we have to choose what we want for our own lives and what works for us. And there’s a guy, Graham Cochran, that I’ve mentioned before on the podcast, and he teaches business, and he was kind of the first person that I ever heard say, you don’t have to work more. His whole philosophy and ethos is working less and spending more time with your family and spending more time living. And that’s truly such an opposite thing. Again, opposite thing for our society is to work less or to try to work less, because that just has this inherent, you’re lazy or you’re not good enough. It’s like thinking about working less is. Yeah, it seems like you’re doing something wrong by doing that.

Gino Cordone [00:13:00]:
Saying you want to work less seems like there’s something wrong. There’s lots of judgments coming into my head as soon as I say that. But he was kind of the first person that I looked up to that was like, hey, I want to work less. I don’t want to be a workaholic. I don’t want to work my whole life away and waste years go by. I want to work smarter. I want to be able to work less. I want to be able to set myself up to provide for my family and support, but also not work as a means to an end, to keep going.

Gino Cordone [00:13:33]:
It doesn’t have to be like that. So that was the first thing that I think I want to address, is remembering that we live in a capitalist society and our worth is often valued based off of what we accomplish. So the second one is that when you’re comparing yourself and you’re looking at others and you’re like, why can’t I keep up? I’m looking at my client. I’m like, why am I slowing down? And why. Why can she just always seem to operate at peak capacity? That’s my perspective right now. Everyone isn’t always fine, and I think it’s hard to remember that everyone isn’t always fine all the time. And it’s easy, especially with social media and all that kind of stuff, to see people’s best sides and best faces and to think that they’re always okay and nobody’s always okay, especially with. With struggling with mental health and stuff.

Gino Cordone [00:14:28]:
A lot of us struggle with mental health. Probably all of us at some point have struggled with mental health. And just because you’re struggling with it right now, and you’re looking at somebody, you’re comparing yourself to somebody who’s not doesn’t mean that they don’t struggle. Maybe you’re struggling today and they’re struggling tomorrow, but you don’t see when they struggle. And often people don’t share when they struggle. So it’s hard to see examples of that. It’s hard to see that others also struggle because we hide it and we try to keep it to ourselves and we try to pretend like we’re okay. Which is another reason for this podcast, is like, I want to confront these things.

Gino Cordone [00:15:02]:
I want to talk about these things because it’s okay to feel like that. It’s okay to feel depressed. It’s okay to not always be okay. And yeah, just a reminder, and I’m speaking to myself, too, just such a reminder to myself that everyone always isn’t fine. And when you keep your suffering and your struggling to yourself, it’s very isolating. And your brain makes you think that you’re the only one suffering. You’re the only one struggling with this. You’re the only one who can’t get over being sad or get over this thing.

Gino Cordone [00:15:38]:
And yeah, again, not true. Those aren’t true thoughts. We all struggle. And, and third thing, this brings me to the third thing is, and this is the one thing you can really do, is to speak it out loud. To speak the thoughts in your head out loud. And with a close friend or a therapist or a significant other, family member, brother, whatever, hopefully you have somebody in your life that you can have these honest conversations with. Because when you do speak these things out loud, they lose all of the weight that they feel when they’re in your head and you don’t share them. And when you speak them, it’s become so much more obvious that, oh, this is kind of a crazy thought.

Gino Cordone [00:16:31]:
It’s interesting that my brain came to that. And I do want to make clear the feelings of feeling depression are totally valid. And, you know, you’re allowed to have these feelings and you should experience these feelings, but the thoughts and the conclusions that your brain comes to isn’t always correct. So by saying them out loud and saying these thoughts out loud, you can realize how almost silly they sound. And therefore they become not scary anymore. They become not fearful or sad or full of this negative energy. Just for a quick example, I mean, I was, I had a conversation with my significant other and I was talking about my day. And, like, it was really kind of the turning point in my day Because I was able to express how I was feeling.

Gino Cordone [00:17:19]:
And like, I remember saying one thing, like, I felt bad for. In the context of, you know, having to pick up my parents and see them, I felt bad for feeling bad. And I’m like, that’s such a crazy thing to tell myself. I’m allowed to not always be 100%. And yeah, it made me more self aware of how I’m thinking about something and how I’m struggling through the day. And that’s like a crazy expectation to always be 100% when you see someone so that they, they can be happy. And that’s an unfair weight to put on yourself. So by speaking these things out loud and especially through therapy and with somebody who’s trained in mental health and has different languages to put voices to, it can become so helpful to recognize what you’re doing to yourself.

Gino Cordone [00:18:22]:
And being like, that’s not fair to me. Like, I’m allowed to go up to my parents and be like, I’m having a shitty day. And you know, that is what it is. And I don’t have to show up and I don’t have to show up in the way that I’m pressuring myself to. So. So yeah, speaking them out loud can really help to make them feel less and to also kind of see where your brain is like kind of tricking yourself and where these thoughts aren’t necessarily true. So really, really invaluable to be able to speak those things and. Yeah, and just to realize that wherever you’re at, you’re making progress and you’re showing up the best you can and that’s enough.

Gino Cordone [00:19:09]:
And if the best you can today is doing nothing, that’s okay because some days you need that, some days you need to just stop everything. And yeah, listening to yourself, trying to listen to what you need. And yeah, one last thing that is associated with this last one, speaking your thoughts. My therapist always says this phrase that what’s shareable is bearable. So meaning that if you can share something, it makes it easier to. It makes it easier to live with it. That’s a bad way of saying, makes it easier to go on. It makes it easier to not have to just keep it to yourself by sharing it with other people.

Gino Cordone [00:20:02]:
It lessens the load that you’re then carrying. And you can also, like I said, kind of see where it’s. Maybe your brain’s kind of lying to you. Um, but yeah, just wanted to say that. So hopefully, hopefully this was helpful. I do feel it was a bit all over the place. But you know, it’s, it’s hard to talk about like negative feelings. And you know, I know I’m not the only one with these feelings, so I’m trying the best that I can to articulate them and to, to talk about what helped me through them.

Gino Cordone [00:20:34]:
And yeah, hopefully it was helpful. But. But yeah, just reminder that when you feel like you can’t keep up, likely it’s a comparison and it’s not true and there’s nothing wrong with you. And that’s the end of the story that there’s nothing wrong with you. Although it feels like that sometimes there’s nothing wrong with you. Yeah, I’ll leave it at that. As always, you can download my free PDF guide to softening your inner critic. If you struggle with a harsh inner critic like me, hopefully you can download this guide in any episode.

Gino Cordone [00:21:21]:
The link is out there everywhere and hopefully it’ll help you to be a little bit kinder to yourself. And it’s a seven day sort of program where you spend less than 30 minutes a day for seven days and by the end of it, hopefully you have learned some things to be a little bit kinder to yourself. So if you’re interested in that, links in the description, links in the show notes and I will see you on another episode real soon. Thank you for being here. I appreciate all you. Sat.