How To Find Yourself After Losing Yourself in a Career | E90

Gino Cordone [00:00:12]:
Welcome to episode 90 of Working towards our purpose. In today’s episode, we are going to talk about how to find yourself. Before we get into that, we’re going to take a moment and just check in with ourselves, slow down for a second, see how we’re feeling. Alrighty. Hopefully you took a moment there for me. I am feeling pretty good. Feeling like I have a direction. Yeah.

Gino Cordone [00:00:54]:
Feeling inspired for the things that I want to go chase after. So that feels good. I think it’s some clarity is maybe what I’m trying to say. So, yeah, that feels good for me. And speaking of, this episode is going to be about finding yourself. And I first want to start off this episode by identifying something that I’ve noticed. And I mean, even. Even just when I, like, did the intro and I’m like, this episode’s about finding yourself.

Gino Cordone [00:01:25]:
I feel a little, like, weird about saying that. Like, oh, geez, I hope nobody thinks that that’s cringy or, like, I don’t know, there’s like, these assumptions about, like, finding yourself. Like, you know, people will roll their eyes or be like, oh, yeah, whatever, but you got to work and you got to get a job. So there’s. At least in my life and my experiences, there’s not really been that many people that are like, oh, you should go find yourself first before you decide who you want to be. So, yeah, that’s what this episode is going to be about. It’s going to be about talking about that and also acknowledging that there’s this kind of shame or embarrassment around it. So, yeah, I mean, I feel like just some examples I can think of off the top of my head is like, if a kid graduating college or, sorry, graduating high school is going to take a year before college or is going to take a gap year or something, there’s always sort of an eye roll or, oh, man, I hope they’re all right, sort of judgment upon them.

Gino Cordone [00:02:33]:
Another one is when people move away and they go somewhere to try to find themselves, start over in a new place. There’s always a judgment of, like, yeah, I don’t know. And now that I’m thinking about it, it’s always like the. I don’t know if they’re gonna be normal. I don’t know if they’re gonna make it. So, yeah, I just want to kind of break that because I don’t think. Wherever that comes from, societal expectations, I’m sure it’s not really helpful. And I think there’s.

Gino Cordone [00:03:06]:
There’s one story that stays in my mind of A perfect example of this. And I was writing a TEDx speech one time to try to apply to be a TEDx speaker, and I was kind of having trouble coming up with the topic, I guess, but I was kind of talking about it in general, and I was talking to it with a friend at the time, and they kind of, like, heard what I was saying, describing it, saying what I want to talk about, and then they were just like, oh, what is it like finding yourself? And then rolled their eyes. And then it made me feel immediately embarrassed or ashamed. And I’m like, oh, no, I don’t want that to be what it is. I don’t want it to be about that, that term, finding yourself. I don’t know. There’s just such shame around it, I think. And it made me feel bad in the moment, but then when I reflected and I thought about it, I was like, no, they’re wrong.

Gino Cordone [00:04:02]:
This is what I want to talk about, and I shouldn’t have to feel bad for that. So that memory kind of always sticks in my mind, and I think that me remembering that kind of spawned this episode. So, yeah, so in today’s episode, we’re going to talk about how do you go about finding yourself? And first off, I think it’s just recognizing that there’s kind of this weird, weird societal shame around it, like you shouldn’t be finding yourself. And in that, I would pose a question to you, is like, well, what’s more important to you? Is it more important to feel? Is it more important that you want acceptance from others in how you’re living your life? Or is it more important to choose for yourself how you want to live your life? And I think I say that because I’m trying to remember, because for the longest time, I let others choose how I wanted to live my life. I went to college. I never wanted to go to college. I always said it in high school. I don’t want to go to college.

Gino Cordone [00:05:11]:
I went to college. I got a corporate job, engineering. And I kind of followed this path based off of what I thought I should be doing or what others thought that I should be doing. And eventually when I got in my later 20s, I just got sick of it. And I was like, I can’t do this anymore. It’s not working for me. And then I started to the slow process of choosing for myself. And now how I was talking about in the intro, how I feel empowered to move into the direction that I want to.

Gino Cordone [00:05:41]:
I feel like I’m kind of finally putting all the pieces together. And being like, okay, this is who I want to be and this is how I want to make it happen. And, yeah, I’ve just lived for so long not listening to myself. And I don’t think I’m alone in that. I think that that happens to a lot of people and it’s easy. So, yeah, talking about how we find ourselves, I guess I was kind of thinking about this episode and being like, well, what was helpful for me in order to find myself? And the first thing. So I got like three things here that I want to talk about. And then these will kind of be like the how to find yourselves, I guess.

Gino Cordone [00:06:26]:
So the first one for me was undoing corporate conditioning. And, you know, maybe if you work in a corporate job or come from a corporate job, there’s these sets of requirements that you’re just supposed to be following. You’re supposed to listen to your boss. You’re supposed to do things the way that everybody else does them. There’s not any rewards for being an individual or for being yourself. It’s very cliquey. Speaking from my experience, it’s very cliquey. The groups that you end up working in kind of all like the same things.

Gino Cordone [00:06:58]:
They all end up going and buying the same things. And it’s a very group think society in corporate culture. And this doesn’t even have to come from. Maybe you never worked corporate job, but even schools like this and society in general, they all want you to kind of fit the mold. And if you aren’t fitting the mold, you’re usually kind of poked at or made fun of or questioned as to, well, why are you doing that? Because I want to. So, yeah, I think undoing the corporate conditioning is kind of the first step. And for me, I worked in corporate for six years, and it took a long time to remove some of those ingrained patterns and beliefs that I gained through corporate culture. And I think for me, I can think back about how I spent those times.

Gino Cordone [00:07:55]:
It was my early 20s. It was from, I don’t know, whatever age you graduate college until 26 or 7 or something. So that’s kind of the part of your life, I think, where if I imagine a different life for myself, I could have went out and experimented with things. I could have tried different jobs. I could have more easily tried a business and failed at it and done something different. I think it’s just a time for, like, exploration and for learning yourself and for learning who you are, which is another word for finding yourself. But I kind of feel a bit like robbed because I spent those years, like, trying to stand up straight and, you know, be the person that my corporate job wanted me to be and put the clothes on that they wanted me to wear and just, like, be in line and be a good. A good employee and all that stuff.

Gino Cordone [00:08:48]:
And so I spent so much time focusing on who I thought I should be that I never really asked myself, well, who do I want to be? And it’s so common to never ask yourself that or to not listen to your intuition, that little voice in your head that’s always curious or asking for, oh, I wonder what it would be like if I learned how to play guitar. Those certain thoughts that keep coming back to you, it’s so easy to suffocate them when you’re in a corporate environment. So that’s why I think the first step for me for undoing, or the first step for me finding myself was undoing this corporate conditioning. And I think once I left my corporate job, I then was able to try things and I worked side jobs that I thought that I would never work as an engineer with a salary. And I found areas that, like, I enjoyed and I found community, like, real community. And I, Yeah, I just found so many different people. And, like, even the beginning of this podcast, like, where I interviewed different entrepreneurs and creatives and stuff like that, like, the whole idea of that was because I left this corporate environment and I was like, wow, I was meeting people, I was going to, like, networking events and creative meetups and stuff. And I was like, look at all these cool people I’m meeting.

Gino Cordone [00:10:07]:
Like, I need to talk to them more. Like, I want to. I want to interview them about how they got to where they did. And I just found so many people not living the normal, straight, corporate path. And it was inspiring to me. And, yeah, if you haven’t listened to any of those older episodes, I think it’s like episodes one through 36, they’re all interviews of cool people that I met and I like. I found something that I liked about them. So, yeah, that was part of it was like learning from other people.

Gino Cordone [00:10:36]:
But it’s taken. I haven’t been in corporate for five years, I think, and it’s taken me a while to shed that old belief of myself and to figure out what my new belief is. And of course, that will ever evolve and change as I get older and have new experiences and stuff. But really tuning into your intuition and what yourself thinks instead of what someone else thinks. So internal more than external, I guess. So, yeah, that was the first step. I Think. And I just want to make sure I’m not missing something here.

Gino Cordone [00:11:15]:
Yeah, I think that’s all I wanted to say about that. Undoing corporate conditioning. And again, it doesn’t have to be from a corporate job. It could just be from your school experiences or neighborhood or familial. Maybe your family has expectations of you and that sort of thing, but sort of undoing that and thinking about what it is that you want for your life and how you want to live your life. So the second thing to think about when you’re trying to find yourself, I think, is being careful with other people’s advice. I think a lot of people like to give advice, and that’s fine. Advice is great.

Gino Cordone [00:12:00]:
But you do have to take some advice with a grain of salt. Because I think for me, when I was a younger person, maybe in high school and college, I would take people’s advice, but I wouldn’t really think about where that advice was coming from. And especially if it’s family. You trust your family usually, not always. But if you trust your family and you listen to the advice that’s being given to you, it can be hard to separate it and to be like, well, why are they giving me this advice? They’re giving me this advice because they want me to have a stable job and a stable income because they think that’s safety and security for me. So when they’re telling me these things and this advice, it has that context to it, and I’m not saying disregard it, but make sure that the advice is right for you. And even, I guess a voice popped in my head and was like, well, are you giving advice right now? But even if I say something and it doesn’t resonate with you, don’t take it. I would never say, take my advice always.

Gino Cordone [00:13:03]:
That’s silly. I think you always have to listen to how you feel about something. If somebody says something and you feel it to be true and it encourages you and energizes you, then, yeah, sure, take it. But if it makes you feel bad about yourself or if it makes you feel sad or down, you don’t have to take it, no matter who it is. And yeah, I think that’s been a big lesson for me, I think is now more so than ever, I don’t get affected by people’s advice. I used to be really upset and think that other people shouldn’t say things or should say things, but now, more so than ever, I’m able to hear somebody’s advice and be like, okay, that works for me. Or I really like that, or I don’t like that. And then I can kind of go into like, well, why are they saying that? Oh, maybe they like me and they want me to be secure and they think that this is the way to do it.

Gino Cordone [00:13:59]:
And you know, at the end of the day, that’s a good intention. So I’m, I’m grateful that they have good intentions for me or they want good for me, but it doesn’t mean that their advice is going to be helpful. And one last thing about that too is just like, even just in our society today, things move so fast. And a parent telling you to go buy a house because it’s a financial investment now versus 50 years ago, it’s a much different scenario and much different landscape. So even if the advice was good for their lifetime, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to translate to your lifetime. And especially when it’s something specific like that. I feel like the best advice is always sort of more generalized and not a specific, you should do this thing, but more like a, yeah, I don’t know, more general sort of thing. So, yeah, be.

Gino Cordone [00:14:55]:
I don’t want to say careful, but just be cognizant that all advice isn’t best for you. And again, to check in with yourself and you can hear the advice, but then ask yourself and check in with yourself, is this advice good for me? Does this make sense for me? And to just always kind of check back in with yourself. And I think that’s kind of the biggest thing is listening to yourself and again, honing your own intuition and practicing tuning into your own voice. It’s taken me a really long time to do that and I’m still getting better at it. But we have a lot of knowledge within us, we have a lot of answers within us if we can kind of be quiet and tune into it. Because I don’t know, I never learned that I had intuition. I think I really sort of learned that in therapy and especially in reading. And that leads me to my third point of how to find yourself reading.

Gino Cordone [00:16:02]:
Books have been so significant in my life, and they’re just the greatest way to get a different perspective. And I mean, maybe you know this already, but for me it was like, so life changing because I hated reading. All through high school, all through college, even after college, I hated it. And then four years, I think, or five years into my corporate career, when I was just so bored at work, I decided to just download an app to read books and I read a business book and I ate it up. It was so good and it made me inspired. It made me believe in myself, I think learning just different perspectives from people. There’s so much to learn out there. And books can like.

Gino Cordone [00:16:51]:
And I guess specifically I’m talking about nonfiction books, but you can learn stuff from fiction books too, and characters and. Yeah, I mean, I don’t read a whole lot of fiction, but you can totally learn stuff from fiction books too. But yeah, lots of awesome nonfiction books that I’ve learned from and been able to just get a different perspective and to again, help me realize that what my own intuition is or what it is that I want for myself. And yeah, so I’ve compiled a list of seven books. So I was trying to go through and find. I was looking through my Goodreads app and I was looking at the books that I’ve read, and I was like, which one of these books helped me find myself? And I scrolled back for like four or five years and I compiled a list of seven books that I think really helped me find myself. And I’m not going to list them all now because that seems useless or just too much information. But I will put all the links to the books, the seven books in the show notes, so you can just head to the show notes to check out those books if you’re interested.

Gino Cordone [00:18:01]:
But yeah, they’re just. They were just really great books for me to help me find myself, to help me think about spirituality and thinking higher of myself and thinking allowing myself to want more and that sort of thing. And I think that that kind of is a good way to conclude the episode is, I think when we say how to find yourself for me, I kind of almost see that in you’re asking more for yourself. You’re asking for the things that you desire and dream of and the things that you envision yourself to do in your daydreams. And when you’re inspired and feeling good, you’re asking more for yourself when you’re asking to find yourself. And there’s a vision and a sense and an intuition that there’s more for me down the road. I don’t know what it is yet, but I’m gonna try things to head in that direction. And I think that for me, that’s what finding yourself is.

Gino Cordone [00:19:04]:
And I don’t wanna feel shameful about it anymore. I don’t want to have this make myself kind of small. When I say find myself, I wanna say find myself confidently. And I want that for you, too. I want you to think about that in a positive thing. Because it is a positive thing. It’s like, you know, I don’t know, like, I can’t think of many more things that are important than figuring out who you are and becoming that person. Because when you do that, you also positively impact all of the people around you.

Gino Cordone [00:19:37]:
And, yeah, I don’t know, I think, like, I’ve become. I’ve enjoyed myself more. I like myself more the more time I’ve spent trying to find myself and the more time I’ve spent in going in that direction. And yeah, hopefully that makes sense. I don’t feel like that was very articulate, but maybe it was. So, yeah, don’t feel bad for saying that you want to find yourself and you can do this at any age. Also, too, I think I want to mention that I feel like I was late to the game in my later 20s. But if you’re here on this earth, you have time to decide to go in that path of finding yourself.

Gino Cordone [00:20:21]:
And it doesn’t matter where you are, you can always make choices to do that. So, yeah, don’t forget, the seven books will be in the show notes. And then I always have the Softening youg Inner Critic Seven Day Guide in the show notes. Also. You can get that for free. And yeah, I think that’s all I got for you today. Thank you for listening and being here and I’ll see you on another episode real soon. Take care.