How To Stop Feeling Confused at Work | E99

Gino Cordone [00:00:12]:
Hello and welcome to episode 99 of Working towards our purpose. Today’s episode, we’re going to talk about how to stop feeling confused at work. But before we get into that, we’re going to take a moment and just check in with ourselves and see how we’re feeling today. Alrighty. Hopefully you got a second to slow down. Check in. I’m feeling pretty good. Got to play some music before this, so that always is helpful for me.

Gino Cordone [00:00:53]:
But today’s episode is going to be for maybe someone out there who is feeling confused at work. Been kind of talking with somebody who’s in the corporate setting and going through some stuff and just really feeling confused by what’s going on. And I think that it’s a feeling that’s super common for me because I remember when I first got into corporate America after graduating college, I was always really confused. And I was like, I don’t understand what’s happening here. I don’t understand what’s going on. And for me, it was just a really confusing place. And so I definitely empathized with my friend. And it just brought up this topic of how sometimes, you know, and I don’t like to.

Gino Cordone [00:01:50]:
To be, like, super negative, especially on here, but. But sometimes when you’re in a corporate setting and you have bosses, sometimes they intentionally confuse you and. And they want you to feel confused. And yeah, I just want to, like, identify that and call that out because I feel like for me, it was super common. For my friend, it’s. I could see it happening and. And yeah, I’ve talked to people about it before and it’s just. It’s.

Gino Cordone [00:02:18]:
It’s crazy and it’s unfair. And I feel like. I feel like sometimes some of the best workers are the ones that get taken. Taken advantage of the most. Like the people that try the hardest and the people that want to do a good job tend to get, like, jostled around in that environment. And, you know, I’m not speaking to everyone, but that was my experience. And. And I see it sometimes.

Gino Cordone [00:02:43]:
It doesn’t even really have to be in a corporate setting, but just good employees and people who are trying to do well often tend to be the ones that get picked on and treated unfairly. And it bums me out. I hate it. I hate seeing bad bosses. And there’s so many of them out there, unfortunately. So the point of today’s episode is not to rag on bad bosses, but to talk about how you can look out for yourself. And it is unfortunate that we have to do that. But I Think that there’s two things that I think you can do to get yourself out of feeling so confused at work.

Gino Cordone [00:03:28]:
Because, for example, here’s a story that from my personal experience, when I was working my first job, my first big job, I was there for a year, and most other people there when engineers were there for a year, you became an engineer, too, and you started as an engineer. One, you got to an engineer. Two, there was engineer. Three, and then, I don’t know, something above that. And that’s just kind of the structure of how it worked. So I came up on my year, and my boss didn’t really say anything to me. So eventually I was like, hey, what do I need to do to be an engineer, too? I felt like I was doing a good job. I felt like I was doing extra things that I didn’t need to.

Gino Cordone [00:04:07]:
And he was like, oh, you’re doing great. Everything’s fine. Just keep doing what you’re doing. They only do this at a certain time of the year, so just gotta wait till this certain time of the year. I was like, oh, okay, sure. Kept asking him because so much time kept going by. I think I was there for like a year and a half before the time came. And then he had my review, and.

Gino Cordone [00:04:30]:
And I was expecting, on his review, him being like, yep, you’re an engineer too now. Here’s your title and salary raise. And instead, we had a conversation about an incident that happened. Like, one small thing that happened at work. And he was like, yeah, you don’t deserve it. You’re not going to be an engineer, too. This thing happened, and it shows me that you’re not an engineer, too. And I was, like, so confused because every single time I asked him before that, he was like, yeah, you’re great.

Gino Cordone [00:05:03]:
Everything’s good. And he brought up one example of, like, a miscommunication and was like, yep, that’s why you’re not getting it. And obviously I was, like, hurt, and I was, like, angry. I remember him saying that and being like, I don’t know what to say right now. And I don’t even really remember it very well. I think I just got quiet and probably looked angry. And then we left the meeting and we never communicated about it. I don’t think I ever expressed to him that I was angry because for me, it takes a minute to process things.

Gino Cordone [00:05:41]:
Somebody can’t just say something to me, and I just, off the bat, can’t have a retort. I very much need to think about what’s happening. Um, so that happened and then, like, I felt like I couldn’t because time went by and we just never really talked about it. And I basically just then started looking for a new job and then found a new job and quit, which probably isn’t the best answer, but it was the way I got through it because I felt like I wasn’t being taken care of. Like, I tried hard, I gave my honest effort, and my boss was like, yeah, nope, sorry. And that was like, a big bummer for me. So, yeah, I moved on. And not in a regretful way, but that’s kind of what led me onto the path of leaving that corporate environment, because it was more of the same in my new job.

Gino Cordone [00:06:36]:
But, yeah, just the confusion of what’s happening. There’s so much confusion around what’s happening. And. And I would talk to people at work, and I had a mentor, and he never really gave me good advice. The only advice that he gave me was always, just fall in line, be quiet, do your job, and get out of here after eight hours. And that was his prerogative, and that’s what works for him. But for me, acting against my authentic self and acting against what I think is right, just to be quiet and not be noticed did not feel good to me. And it’s.

Gino Cordone [00:07:16]:
It’s. That’s very much encouraged in the corporate. My experience is very much encouraged in the corporate environment, and I just really couldn’t do it. Like, I. I spent a majority of my life, like, just, yes. Yes, sir. Yep. Yes.

Gino Cordone [00:07:32]:
Like, I couldn’t. I couldn’t not. I couldn’t just do that again. Like, it felt wrong, and it, like, ate at my soul. And I was like, I can’t. I can’t do this. But I’m getting off track here. But, like, what.

Gino Cordone [00:07:47]:
What I’m trying to get at is, like, if you are in that environment, like, how. How can you, like, prevent the confusion? Because. Because I think sometimes what I’m saying is, like, the confusion is intentional. Like, they want to keep you confused because then it’s easier to control you. Like, it’s easier to tell you what to do. It’s easier to, like, have you fear for your job. You know, it’s easier to just do whatever they need you to do so that their boss’s boss’s boss is happy. And, yeah, confusion runs rampant.

Gino Cordone [00:08:20]:
Rampant. However you say that word, rampant. Ramp. I don’t know. There’s lots of confusion in the corporate setting environment and just maybe even in jobs in general, but with bosses that maybe are tough, but the two Things that you can do to prevent this from yourself. Because there was so much gaslighting in my experience, in my friend’s experience, I think the first thing to do is just to write everything down. And this seems unnecessary, but I think it’s helpful because if I were to write down things that happened with my boss right after they happened, what happens is you get those actual feelings out. Because the first day it happens, you’re angry, you’re upset, you’re all these feelings, and then the day goes by, and then you’re like, well, okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad.

Gino Cordone [00:09:06]:
And then somebody says something to you, and he’s like, well, he’s a good guy. He’s not that bad. And then all of a sudden you’re gaslighting yourself and you’re like, well, I was just overreacting. It wasn’t that big of a deal. And this is how that stuff festers. And it’s extremely frustrating. I know that feeling so deeply. And so to prevent that, you write down how you feel.

Gino Cordone [00:09:29]:
Because then two days goes by, people are trying to convince you that he’s a good guy, she’s a good girl, whatever, that you start gaslighting yourself. But if you can read down what you wrote, you could be like, well, wait a minute, I was actually pretty upset here. And some of the things that were said were mean, abusive maybe, or unfair. I don’t know, all kinds of things. Because having an accurate representation of what happened will help you. Because then the next time when you have another meeting and, well, I didn’t say that or I didn’t mean that. You can have evidence and you can be like, well, actually, you did say this, and it helps for you going and preventing just being confused. So I think writing things down sort of gives you a history, and it also validates your feelings.

Gino Cordone [00:10:25]:
So if somebody is trying to gaslight you, you can look back and read where you were at that day, and you can be like, well, no, actually that did hurt my feelings. And I did feel like it was unfair. So. So there’s that. And then. And then the second thing that you could do to. To help yourself from feeling confused at work is talk to a third party that’s outside of your company. Because I think a lot of times people at the company will, like, try to stick up for the third boss, or maybe it’s that.

Gino Cordone [00:10:56]:
Or maybe they have their own motives and they want to be. They’re also in that workplace. They’re also in that maybe bad environment. So it’s like they’re doing what they can to get through it. And oftentimes it can be invalidating you and your experience or confusing you even more. So talking to somebody completely outside of it. And this is helpful because, like, I’ve done this with friends before, like, where they’re saying, like, hey, this. This is what my boss did today.

Gino Cordone [00:11:26]:
And, like, am I crazy? Like, this. Is this terrible? And I can be like, that sounds like unfair. That sounds. That sounds like they’re doing something that is unfair to you. And it’s easier, you know, it’s because I’m not. I don’t have any affiliation with the company. I don’t know the boss. I don’t know whoever.

Gino Cordone [00:11:45]:
So it can be help. It can be helpful to talk to people, like, outside of the corporate bubble that you’re in. And. Yeah, so I don’t know. Hopefully that’s helpful. I just felt like I wanted to talk about this feeling of confusion, because I always had this feeling of confusion when I was in corporate. I just never understood how things worked. And I say this story all the time.

Gino Cordone [00:12:07]:
But when I first got into corporate and started asking too many questions, my mentor got a piece of paper and he drew a briefcase on it and he wrote common sense on it, and he gave it back to me and he was like, here, put this in the bottom drawer, all the way in the back. Never take it out when you’re here. And that’s just like the epitome of my experience in corporate. And, yeah, I don’t want you to feel confused because it’s isolating. It feels like you’re alone. It feels like you’re crazy. I’m here to say that you’re not. And it’s a challenging environment.

Gino Cordone [00:12:43]:
Some people figure it out, and that’s great for them, you know, but for me, it was really difficult. And for how I am, it was just a hard place to be in. And hopefully these two things can help you to get by. Maybe if the next time somebody is, like, trying to gaslight you or, you know, make you feel confused, because I think that’s unfair. Um, but yeah, that’s. That’s all I got for. For today. Hopefully that was helpful.

Gino Cordone [00:13:16]:
If you’re interested in helping reduce or soften your inner critic, if you have a strong inner critic like I do, then I have a free guide that can help you do that in the link in the show notes, in the description. So head over there. But thank you for listening. It’s episode 99 and next episode is 100. Maybe I’ll try to do something a little bit special, but I’m gonna do like a little bit longer of an episode and talk about everything I’ve learned over the last three years of this podcast and then probably go on a little bit of a hiatus. And yeah, so don’t miss out on next week’s episode. And thank you for being here. I appreciate you all, and I will see you on another episode real soon.