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Embracing the Upper Limit Problem: Learning to Welcome Goodness and Growth
In episode 43 of Working Towards Our Purpose, we dive into the ways we limit our happiness and success, and how awareness and conscious practice can expand our capacity for joy and achievement.
Understanding the Upper Limit Problem
The heart of this episode draws on Gay Hendricks’ book The Big Leap, where the “upper limit problem” is defined as an internal thermostat setting for the amount of happiness, love, success, or abundance we allow ourselves to feel or achieve. It’s an unseen boundary, often installed by subconscious beliefs or childhood conditioning, that keeps us from staying in the “good.” When we reach that threshold, we suddenly find ourselves mired in self-doubt, anxiety, or even self-sabotage.
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I experienced this in real time after I working a day at my local farmer’s market. First feeling a great sense of accomplishment and connection, I then noticed my thoughts leaping to negative worries, effectively cutting short that joyful state. I then realized, this was my upper limit problem. The mind and emotions reflexively pushing back against too much happiness, invoking a sense that something must go wrong next or that I don’t quite deserve this level of good fortune.
The Mechanics of Self-Sabotage
Hendricks’ framework resonates because it’s tangible. The upper limit problem can manifest in small ways, feeling anxious after good news or in larger patterns, lottery winners losing their windfall, or successful entrepreneurs undermining relationships. At its core, it stems from deeply-rooted beliefs about what we deserve. These beliefs might be shaped by experiences growing up, hearing warnings like “don’t get your hopes up” or internalizing a family’s struggles as an unspoken ceiling for one’s own abundance.
The physical and emotional signs are unmistakable: negativity creeps in after accomplishment, or self-sabotaging choices appear just when things are going well. Without a name for it, we might assume these cycles are just “bad luck” or a normal come-down after excitement. But the upper limit problem gives us a framework to notice, interrupt, and ultimately transform this pattern.
Expanding Your Capacity for Good
So, how do we raise that limit? Two things I’ve found that work for me.
Awareness: The first step is noticing when you hit your upper limit. When you catch yourself shifting from joy to anxiety, pause, acknowledge that familiar discomfort as a signpost, not a warning.
Practice Feeling Good: Remembering a time when you felt good, and focusing on that. Mediation comes to mind for me, but you don’t have to call it that. Focusing on a moment of happiness, really sitting with the positive sensations and gently bringing attention back to them. Doing this we can slowly expand our “thermostat” for joy and success. This kind of mental rehearsal trains us to accept, rather than deflect, good feelings.
It’s not about denying reality or suppressing challenges. Rather, it’s about building a new muscle of emotional endurance, allowing yourself to withstand more abundance, more love, more achievement.
Rewriting Your Limits
When we learn to recognize and gently challenge our upper limits, we open up to a world of greater opportunities. By making space for the good and practicing acceptance, we create new possibilities in every area of life.