How to Break The Cycle and Rewrite Your Story | E93

Gino Cordone [00:00:13]:
Welcome to episode 93 of Working towards our purpose. In today’s episode, we’re going to talk about how to break the cycle and rewrite your own story. But before we do that, we’re going to take a moment and just check in with ourselves, see how we’re feeling, see where we’re at. Slow down for a minute. All right. Hopefully you got a second to see where you’re at today. So, yeah, for me, I guess I’m feeling pretty good, pretty excited. Did a whole day of music yesterday, got to work on three different projects, and really, really feeling good about that.

Gino Cordone [00:00:59]:
So, yeah, I’m feeling good. Yeah. So, yeah. The idea for this episode came from a podcast that I watched, a Theo Vaughn podcast. He just had a solo episode come out, episode 654, and it really caused me to think a lot. He had a caller call in, and the caller sort of described his problem, I guess that he wanted Theo to help him out with. And he said that he was frustrated of just kind of going through the same cycle and wanted to know how to get out of the repetition, how to get out of the cycle and move towards the things that you want. Um, and Theo had a lot of thoughts on it, and I also had a lot of thoughts on it, and it kind of.

Gino Cordone [00:01:57]:
I was going to do again a different episode this. This week, and then I watched that episode, and it made me really think about this topic. And basically, I’ve kind of boiled it down to, like, three different questions that, like, maybe you can ask yourself. So that’s kind of how this episode’s gonna go. It’s gonna be, like, three questions you can ask yourself. But first, I do want to describe the feeling of being stuck in a cycle, because I think I definitely resonated with that. I definitely remember feeling that when I was stuck at my corporate job and just feeling like I couldn’t make a change and just being frustrated with what I was doing, being frustrated at other people, being frustrated at my boss or being frustrated at the way society is or whatever. Number of excuses.

Gino Cordone [00:02:51]:
I think it’s easy to not look inward and to look outward and to blame other things and other things that are happening to you. But I think turning inward is a better option because, a, you can control that, and you also feel like you have more control over that, you know, so it’s kind of. I don’t know. You definitely, like, that’s how I think. You can have some sort of, like, control over something that feels like it’s out of control is what I’M trying to say. So, yeah, so these three questions are all, like, inward questions that you can ask yourself. So, yeah, the first question is, do you really want to change? Because I think something that Theo alluded to and something that I’ve definitely been familiar with is saying that you want something but then not really wanting it that bad or not willing to do what it takes to get there. And I think in this situation, you just have to really try to be honest with yourself and ask yourself, is this something that I really want? Or is it maybe something that I think that I should have or I think that I want? And only you can answer that.

Gino Cordone [00:04:24]:
Only you can know what you really want. But I think a lot of times for me, if I’m thinking about things that I’ve done and places I’ve been in the past, thinking that I wanted something, but then I actually really didn’t want it, or it was an excuse or a distraction to the thing that I really wanted. So really having an honest conversation with yourself and thinking about, do I want to make a change. For example, if you’re in a corporate job, leaving a corporate job and trying to figure it out in a different way is hard and a lot of work. And I think I see a lot of stuff online of like, oh, leave your job, leave your job, leave your job. And I’m all for that, definitely. But I think you have to ask yourself, is that something that you really want? Because for a while, I think I wasn’t ready to do that. I said that I wanted it, but I wasn’t willing to put up what it took to get there.

Gino Cordone [00:05:38]:
And, yeah, it’s just trying to really be honest with yourself, and sometimes you’re not ready for something, and that’s okay. There’s no shame in that. But for a while, I thought about leaving my corporate job for three or four years before I actually did. And likely I wasn’t ready when I first thought of it. But, yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but just trying to be honest with yourself, with what you really want, and sitting with yourself and kind of blocking out the outside distractions and just asking yourself, do I really want this? Do I want this thing that I want to work towards? Because that’s kind of the first step, I think, is actually making the decision. And I talked about it a few episodes ago, but for me recently, what that’s looked like is for music. For me, doing music and working on other people’s music and saying that I do that.

Gino Cordone [00:06:36]:
I record people. I’ve wanted that for so long. But I didn’t do what it took to get there until recently. And I think I’ve only been recently honest with myself in knowing that that’s what I want. And once making that decision, then, you know, you start working towards it because you’ve made the decision. But for a long time, I was like, yeah, I want to record bands. Yeah, I want to be an engineer. But I didn’t really do anything about it, so I didn’t want it bad enough then, you know, and that’s my path.

Gino Cordone [00:07:14]:
And it took me however many years of building resentment against myself and being like, no, I do want this to finally make a stand and be like, this is something that I want and this is something that I’m doing. So, yeah, just the honesty with yourself, I think, is a really big thing when you’re trying to get out of a cycle or work towards the thing that you want. Um, and then the second question that you can ask yourself is, are you showing up for yourself? And this is an interesting one because I feel like the progress to, like, get from one point to the next point, like, it’s easy to. And I’ve. I’ve done this so many times, it’s easy to, like, look at a situation and be like, oh, this person didn’t give me an opportunity, so I can’t do it. There was a time in my past where I had a studio place, where I had a podcast studio, and I was just kind of waiting for somebody to give me an opportunity for music and sitting back and just hoping that it was going to happen, and that’s great and fine, and sometimes you get great opportunities, and that’s amazing. But I wasn’t showing up for myself back then. Like, I wasn’t doing what it took to move towards that goal of recording other people and being in music and creating music.

Gino Cordone [00:08:45]:
I wasn’t moving towards that myself. Like, I wasn’t sitting and writing songs by myself and recording them and putting them out, and I wasn’t doing that. And I was kind of just waiting for, like, bands to come to me. And it’s like, why would they come to me? I’m not showing up for myself. And that’s one way of looking at it. But also, too, are you taking care of yourself? Are you getting up in the morning and giving some of your day to yourself? Like getting up and meditating or journaling or doing yoga or going for a run? Are you giving yourself the things that you need? So that you can operate in the way that you need to to reach your goals and to move towards your goals. Because I think that’s a big part of it for me is I’ve really worked hard at getting my head right in the morning, so then I can be productive and I can do things during the day that are working towards my goals. And, yeah, getting yourself right first, in, I guess, a selfish way, making sure you’re good so then you can go and do those things.

Gino Cordone [00:09:59]:
And that’s been a big part of it. And Theo mentioned that, too. And I thought that was such a good point to make, is he was saying, like, yeah, I’m working out now. I’m taking care of my body, like, I’m eating right. And all those things he was saying contribute to him feeling better and to him feeling like he has now the energy to move towards the goals and to do something about changing the course of your life. And I think that’s also just so important, is taking care of yourself first. Because we often neglect ourselves. We’re often the last person we think about, Especially if we have other people that we’re responsible for.

Gino Cordone [00:10:41]:
It’s often not us that we think about. So better. Back to the old airplane analogy, like, you got to put your own oxygen mask on first. I think it’s important to make sure you’re showing up for yourself, because another thing, too, when you are showing up for yourself, you show others that you’re doing that. And for my example, when I’m showing up for myself in my own music and I’m making my own music and I’m going to open mic nights and I’m doing my own stuff, I think that shows other people that, oh, well, he’s doing it for himself, so he could probably do it for me. And maybe that doesn’t translate in every industry, but I think it does. The way you carry yourself, the way you tend to yourself and be kind to yourself, I think that goes a long way, especially being kind to yourself. Definitely.

Gino Cordone [00:11:37]:
And then the third question that you can ask yourself is, do you believe that something’s wrong with you? And this is a big one that I got from the Theo episode because, like, I thought he gave really good advice. And then he kind of got to this point where he was talking about himself and he was talking about his childhood and how he, you know, was raised and how he didn’t receive the love that he needed to from his mother when he was a kid and how he’s struggled through that with his whole life and how he wasn’t looked at as a child. His mother wouldn’t look at him, and how that made him feel like there was something wrong with him. And I think that’s so common. And I certainly can resonate with that feeling, like, there’s something wrong with you. For a long time, I felt like that. And I still have times where I do think like that, but when I’m in my right mind, I know that that’s not true. And it made me really sad to watch Theo talk about how he was praying that the thing that’s wrong with him can be fixed.

Gino Cordone [00:12:52]:
And that’s kind of what made me want to do this episode, because I just felt bad for. I felt maybe not bad for him, but I empathized with him because I know what that feels like. But I was watching him believe that about himself, that he needs God to fix him. And whatever beliefs are. I don’t care what people’s beliefs are, but the idea that something’s wrong with you and you need it to be fixed is just something that I don’t believe in and strongly like, I strongly don’t believe in that. And, you know, of course, there’s always things to work on about yourself, but the fact that there’s something inherently wrong with you is, like, the biggest lie that we tell ourselves. And it’s such a limiting belief. And I think that moving towards the life that you want, if you’re trying to move towards the life that you want, you have to get rid of that belief about yourself, and you have to try to start getting rid of that belief about yourself.

Gino Cordone [00:13:55]:
And it’s a very complex belief. There’s so many thoughts and feelings, and I’ve been working through that in therapy for years, and everybody has their own time with things, but the thought that there’s something inherently wrong with you is not true. And, yeah, I don’t know, it made me so, like, I could feel it. I felt. When I watched him, I could feel what he was feeling. And I wish I could just, like, talk to him and be like, there’s nothing wrong with you. And not that my words would mean anything to him, but. But, yeah, I just.

Gino Cordone [00:14:33]:
I just wanted to like, ask that question, like. Like, do you believe that there’s something wrong with you? And I don’t know. I hope I’m wording this right, because I don’t want to. I don’t want to come off as, like, I don’t understand why you would believe that. I totally understand why you would believe that, like, wholeheartedly But I’m at a point now where, like, I can see that that’s a lie. I can see that that’s like, it’s one of those lies that your brain tells you, you know, you’re not good enough. And, and there’s all sorts of valid reasons as to why you feel like that. Like, I’m not, I’m not.

Gino Cordone [00:15:08]:
I don’t want to say that. It’s not valid to feel like that. It’s totally valid to feel like that. And I think so many people struggle with that and worthiness, you know, like not having worth. He talked about, like just having no self worth as a kid, so he would look towards other people for his own worth. And, you know, perhaps that’s why he became a comedian, because he needed to make people laugh to feel good so that he felt good about himself. So, you know, it’s not, it’s not all bad. You know, you can use it as fuel and.

Gino Cordone [00:15:39]:
Yeah, but I don’t know, I just like, it hurt me to see him believe that there was something wrong with him, and I just wanted to add that to what he said. So. Yeah. Anyways, I’ll stop rambling if you’re interested. If you’ve never heard of Theo Vaughn, he’s a comedian and he has a podcast and lots of people think many different things about him. But one thing that I really like about Theo is he tries to be honest with himself on his podcast and he tries to like, look at his feelings and he doesn’t always know what they mean. And that’s fine because none of us always do. But he brings up the questions and he tries to express his feelings and I think it’s so helpful, especially for his demographic of people who maybe never do that.

Gino Cordone [00:16:31]:
And he’s a really good example and role model for that. So not every one of his episodes is great, but. But his solo ones I find are usually the best because he’s kind of looking inward and. Yeah, that was episode 654 that he came out with recently. So. Yeah, so that kind of inspired this episode. And yeah, just thinking about trying to get out of a cycle and trying to move towards the goals that you want. I think the number one or one of the most important things is that self belief of like, there’s something wrong with you because there’s not.

Gino Cordone [00:17:15]:
There’s not something wrong with you. You’re whole and complete the way you are. So I think I’ll leave you on that. And lastly, if you struggle with being hard on yourself and not being kind to yourself. I have a free seven day guide that you can get in the show notes or in the link in the description. You can get anywhere 7 day guide to trying to soften your inner critic. And it’s free and you can go ahead and download that. But thank you so much for listening.

Gino Cordone [00:17:44]:
Thank you for being here and I appreciate all of you and I’ll see you on another episode real soon.