I spent all of high school feeling like I had potential, but didn’t know what to do with it. As I was getting ready to graduate, I was looking for a quote to put alongside my picture in the yearbook. I wanted to find one that felt like it described me, but also from someone I admired. I searched for a while, googling different musicians I liked, but couldn’t find anything that resonated. Until I finally came across a quote by Layne Staley, the lead singer of Alice in Chains.
Alice in Chains was my favorite grunge band and from the first time I heard Layne’s voice, I fell in love with it. To me his voice just felt so much more emotional than some of the other bands in the grunge scene. Layne was someone who suffered from addiction, and died from an overdose at the age of 34. He passed before I even heard Alice in Chains for the first time. I really looked up to him as a person for being able to make such beautiful music from his pain, even if he eventually succumbed to it.
So when I found this quote by him that said exactly how I felt, I knew I had to use it. Even after graduating college and getting a job in the major I studied, I still felt this to ring true: “…If only I knew where to go.” I felt like there was something greater for me to do, but I just didn’t know what it was. I wondered if that’s how Layne felt as he got towards the end of his life.
I’ve been searching for something more ever since high school. That’s why I started a business and left a corporate engineering career. That’s why I created my podcast Working Towards Our Purpose, and why I’ve tried a lot of different jobs after engineering. Now I am at a point where I do finally feel like I prioritize the things that energize me and feel like my purpose. Five years after leaving a corporate career, reflecting on this quote, I truly feel like it doesn’t resonate anymore.
Why Do We Ignore Our Dreams?
I think a lot of people feel this pull towards something else, something bigger, to strive for something more. A calling? I think it’s human nature to dream big, but it’s so easy to dismiss that voice in your head as crazy, or something that you’ll do in the future. Some people never allow themselves to pursue that thing, or to ever start looking for what it may be.
As humans, we want to be accepted, we want others to like us. It goes back to our caveperson brain. Sticking together in tribes is what kept us safe. I heard this quote from somewhere in the ethers of information we consume everyday, and it said that our brains are not designed to keep us happy, they are designed to keep us safe. From our parents’ conditional love, to the other kids on the playground, to social pressures, and bosses expectations, there’s a lot of outside voices telling you what to do and who you should be. But who tells you to be the person that you want to be? What did you want to be as a kid?
I get it. It’s scary to like, want, or dream of something that is different from the pack. There’s a lot of people that will talk you out of it, feel jealous, or just not approve of what it is you want to do. It can be hard to be unique or live life in a bit of a different way than that which is expected of you. We all have voices in our heads, reciting the beliefs our parents instilled in us when we were young. If you’re like me, they’re telling you that they want you to play it safe, to take a cushy corporate job, and have enough money for retirement but I’ve realized that these are the things that others wanted for me to keep me safe. The intentions are good, and it comes from people who care about you. But only you know what is going to make you happy, and the only way you will find out is to try things you are curious about. Try things that excite you.
I believe that finding your thing, the thing you are good at or want to do with your life, will answer that soul question of, “If I only knew where to go….”. For me, that quote felt less and less true the more I started listening to myself and chasing the things that I truly wanted. I believe what matters most isn’t finding your “thing” right away, but allowing yourself to begin the search. That’s where the exciting parts of life hide, in those moments where you quit a job that is no longer serving you to start something new and unknown. Slowing your life down, and thinking about what it is you want to do with your time here. It’s up to you to decide.
Give Yourself Permission to Explore
I’ve talked to a lot of people who don’t know what they want to do with their life but know what they’re doing now isn’t it. I used to not know what I wanted. Life is busy and we have bosses to answer to, kids, spouses, and friends. Some of us never really spend time with ourselves long enough to know what we like. We have a list of distractions that keep us from exploring our subconscious. Sometimes people over focus on those around them in an avoidance tactic to not have to think about themselves. It can be scary to ask yourself what you want. It can be even scarier to know you want something that will be difficult to get, something that takes discipline and hard work. But I believe that you will become more happy and satisfied with your life when you allow yourself to find what it is you truly care about. And I don’t believe it’s at the risk of not serving those around you. I believe that you can find the thing that you’re meant to do, and still be a good friend or parent or spouse. In fact, I believe it makes you better at serving others because you are happier with your own life, more content, and less resentful. You’re filling your own cup and you have more room for others. I’ve found this to be true for myself.
What Do You Want?
So when I recently picked up my old high school yearbook and read Layne’s quote, I realized I am proud I no longer feel that way. I think about how lost I’ve felt in the past, and how I needed to go through all of that searching to find myself. Do I have it all figured out, no. But I do have a direction, I do know where I want to go. And I feel truly grateful for that.
I believe we all have something. Have you found your thing? Are you still searching? Hopefully this lets you wander your mind and soul for the things that you want to do in your life. If you’re not already, put some time into what brings you joy and energy.